Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
