Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
