as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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