i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
