you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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