oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize