He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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