Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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