Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
