This gyro tastes like lonliness
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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