Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
