you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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