i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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