i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
