just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
