This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
