new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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