Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
