I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
