finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
