Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
