I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
this will be a night to untag.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
