yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
