Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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