what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize