Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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