my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
