these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
