Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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