The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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