I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
