Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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