Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I use my feet as sexual weapons
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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