it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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