I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
