he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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