he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
