Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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