She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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