I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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