It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she told me i tasted like america
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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