I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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