why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
