Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Please don't give away my fajitas
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
