Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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