Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
