Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
