i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
