break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize