so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
