I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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