We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
