what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
