We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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