i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
