I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
