I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
