If i come over, it means nothing
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Screwed.edu
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We talked him into tasing himself.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
