My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
