I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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