Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
