never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize