Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
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