ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
