I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
