We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
