I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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