Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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