my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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