I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
