know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
