My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
