fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
