I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
