once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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