The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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