I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize