hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
