I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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