It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
