just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
