Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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