Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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