just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize