I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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