If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
