Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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