Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
