just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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