ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize