She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
