What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
