She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
