ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
