Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
