Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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