Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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