tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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