it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Randomize
