Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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