Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Terrible idea I love it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
