I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
