Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
