okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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