so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize