If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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