What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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