K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Randomize
