in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
