You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
