I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
