That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
