I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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