My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize