I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
